From childhood, they have always looked up to you, not as the first child but as one who could sort of redeem what’s already been established. You never try so hard to get anything you want, you weren’t born with a silver spoon but you sometimes called it “favour”. Even when you tried, you achieved your best and sometimes stumbled and fell, but you always got up. People never see through you to see the pain, they never see your cries neither do they see your fears because you kill all that with your way of life, the people you mingle and want to mingle with, the words you speak and the strength you carry.
Everyday always seem like yesterday, but different in your approach. You say more than you do, you want to give more than enough but you fear ungratefulness and being talked about. Sometimes you’re out of range and seek realignment when your cup of conscience is at its brim. You build expectations and ignore reality, you want to act like the rest, because you fear that you are too genuine and different from them. Yet, you refrain from truth, right and people. You cave in and build walls that you can’t even break. You push everyone and everything that appears destructible because you judge them. Memories and things that you are yet to achieve and people that you are yet to meet are being separated by you. You are confused.
What if I told you that you needed no saviour? That you need yourself to open yourself up. What if I told you that you always got lucky? Not many people can count the stars with two eyes. What if all you need always is to put in your very best in everything you do and quit thinking that you would always succeed without efforts? Failure breeds your success, then success breeds more success. What if all you need is to meditate and create an alone time with yourself? Stop thinking that people have a say in your life and strive harder to build yourself.
Today is saddening. Got my first year results today and they seem not so good to me. Resitting two main courses of mine by September because I didn’t meet the pass mark. I just feel like I’ve let my parents down and everyone who’s happy that I’m here. Frustrated yet hopeful that this would sit me up. Grateful that I wasn’t among those that were withdrawn from the course and some that were asked to repeat the whole course. It was a tough year but I’m happy to have come this far.
You must have learnt a thing or two from today. Would be most glad if you share with us your experience(s). Thank you.
Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2015.