…we look for a compliment or someone even greater to make us whole.
I started reading this book yesterday, Essays in love by Alain de botton and it unveils attributes that we human seek in others. It illustrated the fantasy and true meaning of love, debating lust, crave and love. The writer’s words spoke philosophy and reality and used a typical setting to tackle the confusion in love’s existence.
So far, I picked up a paragraph and thought deeply about it. It might not seem like words that would make sense to you, but it did to me. When we crave someone (don’t want to use the word love in this picture), we ignore every fault in them. When I say fault, I mean things that you don’t like, things outside the standards you posed your man/woman to be, distasteful characters that you don’t condole from other people. You become blinded by his/her sense of humour/ the way he /she talks to you or one special thing different about him/her. You ignore the essentials (commitment, understanding and what have you).
Eventually, you get bored of what you used to love. You try to change him/her to what you actually wanted (when its too late) from the start, little things lead to consistent and unresolved fights. You feel hurt and broken hearted and then it’s over. This doesn’t apply to everyone but most of these are what happen in many broken relationships.
..”we fall in love hoping we wont find in another what we know is in ourselves”. You want the story you tell your mates to be different from your personality/kind of person. You over exaggerate the beauty and characteristics in the other in hope you would get better. Placing he/she at the peak of your imaginations and how the person should be. You make expectations of how your other should treat you and get angry when things are out of place.
We forget that we are love and to love is just to love. Love without any expectations/ fantasies or hope or even judging the person. Just love. If you find someone you love and think that there is something that needs to be adjusted in the person to make he/she right and perfect for you, then why not move on ? why not let go for someone else who would love the person as a whole? why settle and cause pain and get your heart broken?
Every thing you see in someone else that makes you fall in love with them is also in you. Why ? because you are human. The only time you can call love real is when you love without spotting flaws. Love and let yourself be loved.
I could write a whole note about love because that’s what keeps us. It is how we connect. Hope you had a lovely day, Do share your thoughts with us below. Thank you.
Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2015.