Thought Blank

You can write from pain and for survival but excluding your image in every scenario makes it imaginative.

Where does your limit for the pursuit of self understanding lie? My everyday life is questionable, it is rhetorical. People come and go yet my existence still suffers from my own recognition. I leave my soul unknowingly to go search for a piece that I hope would add meaning to my life. Sometimes, I fail to go back to my soul (myself) in dissatisfaction of relevance. I break and lose sight of where I stand with myself. When this occurs, connection with people becomes arduous.

I wouldn’t tell you how many times I’d fallen neither would I make references to times where everything seemed to had fallen into place. Some mornings, I wake up feeling totally empty. I feel as though that day was the first day of the week, the first day of the month, the first day I was born, just empty. Empty like yesterday was never there. That is always the point I’m so reliant on my intuition because pragmatically I lose every connection with myself. I make good or bad decisions at these rare empty moments of my life.

I would tell you a bit about my love life and I would still tell you that every being that gives/gave up falling in love is still in love. I have a closed relationship with things and people that excite me but an open relationship to excite others. My loudness for not wanting to fall is truly what makes me understand the disguise behind the word “love”. To me the word is everything and nothing.

To lose touch with pain, you have to be willing to love pain, to smile through pain and to never trust in living without pain. Today was the first time in 6 months that I cried so hard for something. I cried and locked myself in to let out every drop of my tear. I break down every time I’m hurt but it takes only a little frustration, just a little to bring back every reason to shed a tear. Sometimes, the only relief we need from staying strong is not words of encouragement or a pat on our back or even a hug but a moment to go back to being your own soul, fuelling it once more.

It is totally okay to shovel our old ways and go in search of new, of better selves. It is how we build experiences and hope, but we should always remind ourselves of ourselves. Don’t stay too long being another when your own image hungers to be upheld. Your soul connection is what gives you freedom to be yourself anywhere and everywhere and if you feel like you’ve lost your soul in search of whatsoever, it is time for reunion. It is okay to break a little. you are human.

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2015

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3 thoughts on “Thought Blank

  1. theanonymouscherif March 14, 2016 / 1:50 am

    I live on a diet of misery and mystery.The lana del rey kind-I turn my scars into stars by writing.Sometimes I tear myself out of the pieces and make it fictional but most times I just try to “own my pain”;but one thing that has kept me going is being always in touch with my soul and that i’d advise anyone to do

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ipeniwrite March 14, 2016 / 7:32 am

    I totally agree with you, owning your pain makes you expect less comforting from others and less expectations from them, of course most times lead to less pain. The courage is finding your own opium and you made writing yours. Thank you for commenting on this post🌸

    Like

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