Surviving May June

In all, pleasure sorted itself out in dark corners. I had promised my failures that we wouldn’t cross paths again. My timetable never said otherwise. I lost the weak ones. Those who couldn’t keep up with the wind that came after my very own air. I lost friends, made new ones, met him and kept detesting red and black cars. Only lonely knew me, only in that place did I transcend. I survived the wreck of friendships, jealousy and choky presence.

Picture gotten fromTurtlesandTails

May.

How did I let it all go?

Life has a way of measuring our good deeds and sewing them back in bit-by-bit in places and times we least expect.

How did I come to accept?

I forgave my wrongs. I set myself free from my own trap. I held onto the light I hadn’t seen yet. It kept me going. It still is.

Moments?

I had one where I was rejected nine times, never gave up, waited on the last but yet, it still rejected me. Placements were hard to secure, but I did my best applying. I had one where I was hunted by colours, the ones I once loved, owned by people I once loved in a city I’m still totally in love with. I had moments where I crept. School toilets and my bed became more consoling than crowded rooms. I became my own people, more with myself and less of myself with non-appreciative people. Loving and loving the hell out of me.

Exam timetable wasn’t a shock, the distribution of modules in it was.

June. 

I’ve never believed in being a geek myself, as I do believe in others. I read through nights and nights and crammed those recommended textbooks through days I’d rather my cosy attic room. I was asked more than once “where’s your life?”, I ignored wandering how they couldn’t see it happening. School became life. It still is. At some point, I found myself in conversations where I turned social dialogues into what I’ve been learning and reading for the past one year. I started eating an apple, green banana and grapes each passing day as I learnt it reduces your risk of getting bowel cancer whilst avoiding trans fat foods and eating a wide variety of foods. * Okay now I’m doing it again on this post*

When you begin to see yourself that way, you begin to feel more, not just about the idea of school but of the existence you can bring from all that you’ve learnt. It’s a beautiful feeling. Learning, practicing and being able to teach others.

Summer?

For me, I feel as though it isn’t here yet. Been working 12 hours shifts from the friday I wrote my last examination until this very moment that I’m taking a break in a care home. Care assistant.

I’ve thought of dying more than I have of surviving lately, that is why I’ve decided to leave with a purpose, no matter how small.

I just started living.

Tell me what you have survived lately dear reader.

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2016.

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9 thoughts on “Surviving May June

  1. Fijay June 15, 2016 / 7:06 pm

    Well Dyna ….you have been missed in the blogosphere that’s for sure …I kind of thought you must be deep into your studies tho ….it’s very difficult balancing everything isn’t it? …..but Dyna …although you’re working very hard right now …it’s part of life’s experience ….sometimes life does feel like ‘survival’ mode ….and then it picks up again …it’s like waves on an ocean I always think ….imagine your on a surfboard …sometimes it’s great ….and at others your clinging on as your being thrown ALLOVER the place:)
    For me …..when I started blogging last October my life felt to be on a bit of a knife edge ….there was a further ‘reconfiguration’ going on at work (I work for the NHS) where they were chopping back and I wasn’t sure if I would still have a job ….I was also going through divorce …and that had reached a difficult point …BUT it seems I’ve survived …for now and untill the next challenging life phase hits ….I have NOT been laid off work but am part of what they are now calling ‘transformation’ ( I know …I know …clever use of words to be taken with a pinch of salt:D:D:D) ….I am also now signed, sealed, delivered divorced and we still have a roof over our head ….so all in all I’d say all feels much calmer at this moment:)
    You’ll make it Dyna ….sounds like a difficult period but you’ll come through in the end:)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ipeniwrite June 15, 2016 / 9:50 pm

    Awwww..missed you all too🌸..it is difficult to create a balance but when you find one, it gets a lot easier. That must have been a hard time in your life, trying to bear all that at once. You are so resilient! and vulnerable at accepting what has happened and I do admire that. I believe there’s always that strength that keeps us looking ahead. I wish you all the best that life has got to offer and thank you for believing in me💙

    Like

  3. Oke-Oghene Philomena June 16, 2016 / 9:30 am

    After 2 weeks of my parents visit, I had some questions of my faith…you see my darling we go through stuff but am sure with your decision you will look back and like me you will know that your faith HAS OVERCOME!!! God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. ipeniwrite June 17, 2016 / 11:31 pm

    Awwwww thank you for the encouragement 🌸

    Like

  5. chrisdavies09 June 19, 2016 / 8:06 am

    Have had a bereavement here. However their life made a positive impact on all of us, so not so much about surviving this difficult time but more about thinking how we could make that type of impact on others as they did for us.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. ipeniwrite June 23, 2016 / 5:13 pm

    I pray strength embraces you in every moment you spend alone and with others. I pray you find the courage too to lean on the process that brings you joy and helps you up to your feet. Thank you for your vulnerability Chris🌸

    Liked by 1 person

  7. chrisdavies09 June 24, 2016 / 12:42 pm

    Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. hitch June 29, 2016 / 6:06 am

    Hi Dyna, to think I have not been following your blog simply means I have been missing a whole lot.
    Write up’s like this shows that there is hope for greater survival.
    Still trying to survive breaking up with the woman of my dreams because there are other dreams I MUST achieve that she is not supporting.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. ipeniwrite June 29, 2016 / 6:24 am

    Awww thank you. This too shall pass, you’ll get through it dear. Thank you for making it here🌸

    Like

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