…and most books I had picked from that gallery described women as sexual beings as nothing else but idols. I insulted my thoughts for buying into the idea that it could be, I withdrew from reading such naive praises.
Let me teach you the ways I arouse myself. The ways I’m locked in, soaking my every finger tip on my wet scales. Have you heard yourself when wanting? Your nerves won’t stop striking your extremities until you respond. Every minute you picture what you’ve felt and how you’ve felt it, the waves of the most meaningful touch run through your spine. You shiver, you flinch and then you begin craving in a very desperate way. If you’ve learnt to touch yourself beautifully, your eyes will shut your head off. If you haven’t, like I said, you’ll begin craving in a very desperate way.
How then do you learn to touch your body beautifully?
When alone and you hear your heart throbbing loudly, drink water, drink again and wait. When alone in a cold room and your feet get sweaty from reminisces, try watching a humorous comedy show, series or movie. When alone in a dark room and your pupils start dilating, remind yourself that this type of sin is not worth it. Turn the light on and sleep that way. When songs remind you of bitterness, choose sweet by taking a walk instead, no music, no books just noise and nature. If you can’t lean without your fingers on your flowers, try standing with them on your desk, writing, telling or reading.
These are ways you can learn to be generous with yourself, ways you can earn respect from your own soul. Choose to be transparent with it.
I am made with a soft changing flesh, it’s however not all that I’m made of. There’s more to me, to you woman than being a sexual being. You will only continue to be if you choose not to redefine that, if you choose to not learn to touch yourself first before teaching others how to.
Dyna Ekwueme Ccopyright, 2017.