On ageing

In my thoughts, in my head, in my journal. Here.

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Win your battle before you come home to mine.

Don’t remind me the trails of footsteps I face everyday.

It’s not enough to live young, wild and free because I know of places that don’t bring me such experiences.

Hold onto the existence, let what you have to say complement mine. Let what you have to give add up.

Don’t scare me with silence. Don’t tell me I’m too young to learn what grey hair can teach. It’s my cup of tea.

I am not here to prove how much neither do I seek accomplishments that will one day be forgotten.

I’ve been told countless times to win, win and win but I never got led to. My bruises, pain, tears, countless failures equals me.

Give me what you call wisdom, give me peace of mind. I’ll find my fun,my energy, my space and most importantly, me in all of it. Let me be.

Ageing is just a state of mind.

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2016.

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Dear woman, dear man..

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There are ruthless ways your own words may have been translated. There are places you sing songs of war and some you whisper courage. Twice you may have been beaten down by fear, ignorance and love with hopes to come to terms with ever flowing chills. You may have seen you without the others, those you lean so strongly on, those who made you want to read this in the first place. Perhaps, I’m wrong. Wrong about you being unhappy and in pain, constantly wanting more, or maybe you’re happy for the wrong reasons. This may not be for you, this may be for more.

For you.

Dear woman,

You can’t bear it all. It’s perfectly okay to take a step back and care for you. It’s alright that you feel for two, to feel more for others. It’s womanly to embrace your beauty and show off what you’re sensitive to. Your boldness is what men who lack courage detest, your aura is what keeps you grounded to your ego. When you are passionate, the others may not understand, when you seek, you find the roots, when you cry the earth bleeds, when you’re broken the world hears you too. You matter without validation, you’re a piece men cannot do without. You have the ability to create and recreate generations and this power makes you a god. You were born to nurture, give, give, give and give again. Bear this in mind when you belittle you. Hold this high up in your head when you walk into crowded rooms. Educate others when they say to you “you can’t”. Let it warm you always. Let it keep you with love.

For you.

Dear man,

 We hear you. We hear when you’re silent, as it’s as loud as your ego. Your strength and resilience is admirable. The corners you cut and the length you go to get what you deserve have bred feminists. You have the ability to break and mend even though you may choose the former in pressing situations. Your pride and consistency for the things you’re passionate about makes good women appreciate you and good men work diligently with you. However, you sail with your crew members only, often forgetting that passengers could know a thing or two about sailing. It’s totally okay to let your shield down. These walls you build against us breaks you more than it does to us. It’s okay to feel, to cry, to admit to not knowing. It’s fine to accept women that ask for equality, to feel intimidated by once in a while. It’s okay to ignore challenges and just feel. Live with and for the moment without chasing shadows. Breathe without asking for more air. Allow yourself to be drowned by and with love, allow yourself to understand what you constantly fight, allow yourself to hold on for long without the thoughts of letting go. You were born supreme. Society has made you in-charge, regardless, seek to open up a bit more.

Dear woman, dear man..

You need each other to grow, understand, love, feel, chase, reciprocate, challenge,bear and live. You need you most importantly. Begin with this.

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2017.

Surviving May June

In all, pleasure sorted itself out in dark corners. I had promised my failures that we wouldn’t cross paths again. My timetable never said otherwise. I lost the weak ones. Those who couldn’t keep up with the wind that came after my very own air. I lost friends, made new ones, met him and kept detesting red and black cars. Only lonely knew me, only in that place did I transcend. I survived the wreck of friendships, jealousy and choky presence.

Picture gotten fromTurtlesandTails

May.

How did I let it all go?

Life has a way of measuring our good deeds and sewing them back in bit-by-bit in places and times we least expect.

How did I come to accept?

I forgave my wrongs. I set myself free from my own trap. I held onto the light I hadn’t seen yet. It kept me going. It still is.

Moments?

I had one where I was rejected nine times, never gave up, waited on the last but yet, it still rejected me. Placements were hard to secure, but I did my best applying. I had one where I was hunted by colours, the ones I once loved, owned by people I once loved in a city I’m still totally in love with. I had moments where I crept. School toilets and my bed became more consoling than crowded rooms. I became my own people, more with myself and less of myself with non-appreciative people. Loving and loving the hell out of me.

Exam timetable wasn’t a shock, the distribution of modules in it was.

June. 

I’ve never believed in being a geek myself, as I do believe in others. I read through nights and nights and crammed those recommended textbooks through days I’d rather my cosy attic room. I was asked more than once “where’s your life?”, I ignored wandering how they couldn’t see it happening. School became life. It still is. At some point, I found myself in conversations where I turned social dialogues into what I’ve been learning and reading for the past one year. I started eating an apple, green banana and grapes each passing day as I learnt it reduces your risk of getting bowel cancer whilst avoiding trans fat foods and eating a wide variety of foods. * Okay now I’m doing it again on this post*

When you begin to see yourself that way, you begin to feel more, not just about the idea of school but of the existence you can bring from all that you’ve learnt. It’s a beautiful feeling. Learning, practicing and being able to teach others.

Summer?

For me, I feel as though it isn’t here yet. Been working 12 hours shifts from the friday I wrote my last examination until this very moment that I’m taking a break in a care home. Care assistant.

I’ve thought of dying more than I have of surviving lately, that is why I’ve decided to leave with a purpose, no matter how small.

I just started living.

Tell me what you have survived lately dear reader.

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2016.