Clingy girl problems: 5 main problems

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Picture gotten from-Pinterest

Clingy girls often wonder how girls that spend weeks and months away from their men survive. Other times they question why some girls that claim to be in love are so attached to privacy. How these other girls don’t talk about their men to their friends or even family, they ponder on what a few girls view as normal.

I was once a clingy girl, I bought into the idea that one has to think about their man like he were their favourite food, that every single time kind of thinking. It was more like craving someone when they aren’t there and even more when they are present. Being clingy made me less gullible to and very repellent of other men. It made me believe in soul mates. It made me believe in being in love.

Transiting from clinginess however, taught me one or two things about myself, it helped me understand men and at the same time understand the importance of space in any given relationship.

Here’s a list of problems you may find with a clingy girl;

  1. A girl who is clingy may befriend everything of yours ranging from what you love doing to what you find unbearable. She may want to be friends with all your friends and family members. She may want to be involved in your hobbies as well.
  2. A clingy girl is very inquisitive. She’d like to know what, why, when, how and where you get involved with things. This may not necessarily be in a bad way but most times it is her own way of caring and looking out for you.
  3. She may be impossibly into you and may seldom feel a bit left out when you prioritize something you enjoy doing or other people you enjoy hanging out with over her.
  4. If you’re in it with a clingy girl you may eventually realize how gradually your lives begin to intertwine. Your daily routine may begin to revolve around hers as she may eat deeply into yours with time. You both will have five or more things only you both are peculiar with (may be a phrase, code, people, places or even slangs).
  5. A clingy girl finds it okay to invade your privacy (as in her head, what’s yours is hers).

Most men may find these problems as no problem in the start of a relationship however, most are often worn out after they realize that their girl may not necessarily stop being herself. Although clingy girls are hardly talked out of their relationships and are mostly trustworthy and open minded, they may on the long run become toxic to their men. This toxicity may be caused by the accumulation of lies and unnecessary fights brewed by their men in order to have their own space and avoid being suffocated.

Some clingy girls repel their men in future and may often push them to derive excitement from staying clear from them which may not necessarily happen with the intention to hurt them.

Being clingy is one good way to stay in love but it is also important to enjoy your own space and build in it when in a relationship.

Have you ever been a clingy girl? or do you think you currently can relate to some of these problems? Is your girl clingy? I’d love to know what you’re thinking in the comment section dear reader. I’d love you to add to the list as well if you are aware of any more problems. Thank you.

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2017.

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Teen Transition To Twenty-one

Maturity is an attitude, it doesn’t always come with age like people emphasize.

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What is it about age that makes you feel like you’re an adult or a teen?

How does it feel to be twenty +?

In less than four months, I’ll be 21 and I’m still stuck, reminiscing about my teenage life at 20. It’s almost like clicking the refresh button on your PC, that’s how it all feels like to me. For the past six days, I’ve been writing about my teen transition to twenty, how everything and everyone from my teenage years affected me positively and negatively. I walked you through challenges most teenagers face during this age and how different we all are when it comes to facing these challenges. Today, I have one more year to give you, one more age you didn’t quite know deeply, 20.

At 20, ‘I thought I had arrived’ (funny slang/proverb typically used by Nigerians), meaning that I thought I had it all together. I felt like I was ready for anything and any situation. Even though I was responsible and more aware of things, I still ended up with choices that are unheard of. “I’ve been following the rules, doing as I told, letting others speak for me in instances where my voice is needed, 20 is the age where I get to reverse the chain. “, I said to myself. To be honest, this was the worst advice I took from myself. One word I could use to describe my life at 20 is “chaotic” but against all odds, I strive for three things that sort of brings me peace, “forgiving, letting go and moving on”.

I made poor decisions in selecting what’s right to spend time on, how I prioritize my education, the kind of friends I trust and even the sort of food I eat. It might sound funny but yes food! I remember the last week of October last year, having to feed on rich tea biscuit, noodles and water, not that food wasn’t available but that.. I really did not have a clue what was wrong with me. Sometimes, loneliness gets to me at its peak, something that never used to happen, maybe because I haven’t been home in years or maybe it was some sort of way to keep away from the chaos I was involved in, I thought. I just found it hard to feel alive in certain places I went. It was all grubby until the end of last year.

I’m not a fan of making resolutions but I promised myself to leave every debris that contaminated “me” in 2015. I embraced this year without looking back or getting involved with what would put me into questioning my own self. I separated from a lot of things and engaged in new ones, more like disconnecting to connect to something better. It was a strenuous walk trying to regain balance again, but it’s been worth it so far  and I’m never looking back again. I choose to inspire, motivate, learn, make certain mistakes and learn again but, going back to reopen closed wounds is what I’m never falling back on.

I have until July to better my 20 and I wouldn’t want to miss the chance of celebrating 21 with much joy. It’s not like I feel any much different from being a teenager. The only change that happened to me as an adult is being more accepting of being wrong and the willingness to change/evolve. I’d like to know what 21 feels like anyway.

What are your thoughts on being 20 and transiting to 21? Are you eager to become an adult? What best advice would a 21 year old and above give? Do share your beautiful minds dear bloggers 🙂 . Thank you.

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Have you been following this writing series? Do you think you’ve missed out on the important bits? Don’t panic 🙂 the link to all 6 of them is just below. Click on the link and leave your thoughts on the post/posts you enjoy. Thank you. 

Day 1– The lie I told

Day 2– The seven personalities of one self

Day 3– Denial

Day 4– For every wasted pain

Day 5Diary of a confused teen

Day 6– Self love: Selfish

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#TeenTransitionToTwentyWritingSeries

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2016

Self love: Selfish

There’s a state of self obsession that surpasses every kind of love, it’s called “Selfish”.

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As a teenager every thing you’re told is directed to your own best interests. “Patience is virtue”, “tell the truth always and it shall set you free”, “once beaten, twice shy”, “love your neighbour as you love your self”,”there’s love in sharing” and so on. What’s common in all these advices? You. If you don’t tell the truth, you won’t be set free, if you don’t have patience for something it would pass you by, likewise the rest. It all sums up to you being the best you can. At the end of the day, whether you loved or lost, you are the only one left to say exactly how the story went. In some way, this made me believe that being a teenager was more of building myself and growing up to teach others, when I’m certain I know better.

Self love is totally different from being selfish. Self love is a good way of being selfish. Growing up selfish has made it quite difficult for me to know when I’m passing the limit of self love into being selfish. You can love the way you are but when you let the way you are blind you from getting to know others or even considering their own features, that is when it becomes obsessive, selfish.

Everything was like a competition for me growing up, mostly in my education. I guess it’s the way I was made to perceive it. The way my parents always made it seem. I remember in high school, during our inter-house sports, I participated in high jump and came out as the second runner up. The first thing my dad said to me was “the person that emerged first, is he/she Stretch from fantastic four?”, I laughed but was so disappointed that I wasn’t congratulated. I guess it was all part of making me strong, but whether or not that was the case, I promised myself never to engage in any sport I knew I wouldn’t be the winner. Anyway, that was my promise as a teenager, I’ve outgrown that kind of thinking now.

As an adult, I’m still selfish even when I try not to. Sometimes, I go out of the way to be so vulnerable and I end up choking people with “me”. I guess, that’s why my circle is quite small and tight, as just a few can tolerate this kind of character. However, I admire selfless and humble people even when I know I’m not. These two attitudes hold me down all the time, people who have got them never repel me. Although, I’m still working on how to prevent my love for myself from hitting the selfish limit, I still get credit from people who just need someone to talk to them.

I believe I’m not perfect and my imperfections are simply me. I also believe that those who want to stay in my life would come and stay and those who come to teach, learn and leave  would do so. In the meantime, I’d embrace all of me and work towards being selfless and more humble.

Have you ever felt like you are being selfish or you obsessively love yourself? I want to know dear bloggers 🙂 Thank you.

#TeenTransitionToTwentyWritingSeries

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2016.

Diary of a confused teen

Every single word I never let out, I wrote down in my big book.

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I had tons of books, not necessarily diaries but different sizes and colours of note books. In one I wrote songs, in another I wrote about my daily encounters. I even had a book where my friends got to write about themselves and leave sensitive details I’ll always remember them for. Every teenager I knew, had these sort of books. It was more like our whats-app, Facebook and twitter back then and the beautiful thing was that, everyone cherished theirs.

Something about penning something down as a teenager gave me some sort of relieve and I grew to cherish fancy note books. I would write about things I wished I did, I would write about boys, the ones I had crushes on and the ones that openly displayed their affections. Mostly, I wrote about my family and friends and how they made me feel each passing day.

I wrote in diaries for three years, from the beginning of my senior secondary up until the end . Nothing more gave me joy than writing out how I felt. My presumed diaries were my second Bible. I remember writing about living in boarding school back home, how caged and restricted it made feel, how powerless most people were outside the school gate and how I couldn’t wait to become an adult and live without people having to discipline me. It’s now me who disciplines myself and when anything goes out of the way, I’m still the one who’s left to be called.

Different teenagers keep different forms of diaries. Hypothetically, most teens can make their phones, friends or even a mere place their diary , as long as they are free to express whatever form of emotion they are feeling.These diaries are where confusions are lit, it is a different kind of vibe with what we say out there to people. It is a sanctuary we hate people to invade.

I still got six of my diaries and I only laugh, cry and smile when I go through them. Haven’t kept one for the past three years and I feel some how this blog has become one, not quite but something close to one. My big book was my diary and I wrote for myself and my emotions.

Did you ever get to keep a diary as a teenager? or are you a teen keeping one? Do share your diary experiences with me 🙂 Thank you.

#TeenTransitionToTwentyWritingSeries

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2016.

For every wasted pain

Pain is divine

pain is growth

pain is a drug

pain is a kind of touch

pain lives

pain is an experience

Picture gotten from-Syria

For every wasted pain, there is divinity, there is growth, you heal, you feel, you have the courage to move on and live your life but most importantly, you learn. For every wasted pain, there is a fulfilling gain.

As a teenager, I always worried about not doing things right, about not meeting or living up to the expectations of my parents, about being the weird and awkward one. I broke rules, lied, dissappointed myself and went to deep ends in search of the truth I was already told. I derailed in most journeys, lost touch, hid, cried and returned. People were still people. The only change there was back then, was the one pain brought.

I remember my first failure ever in high school, mathematics. I was in the third year of my junior secondary, and the top class in my set. I never saw it coming but it did come anyway. My dad scolded the life out of me, I felt really bad not for myself but for him. I thought about the investment he had made in my life and the result I had come home with and promised myself never to fail mathematics in my life again. I hid my results the whole year from my mates, it was a pain to endure as I wasn’t open and vulnerable about it.

I also remember being known for my terrible grammar and thick native accent. One part of me despised the other, leaving me with the sore of bearing what people threw at me  and my broken self. However, smile and laughter was my only revenge, as they did help most times.

I looked back and thought before putting this down. If I were perfect back then? ipeniwrite wouldn’t exist. If 100 percent of the time I pleased my parents, there would have been nothing left to teach me. If my grammar and accent was like the rest, I probably wouldn’t try to pick up a few words or even bother to fake a British accent, like I always do every now and then.

I have come to realize that I grew partly from pain. I’m here because I lived through it. I didn’t let it suffocate me, I didn’t push so hard to unravel people’s mysteries. For every pain I felt was wasted as a teenager, it made me a better adult. I urge you to grow too from pain, dear teen.

What is it that fascinated you about today’s episode of TTTT?

#TeenTransitionToTwentyWritingSeries

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2016.

Denial

How many consequences did you have to bear growing up as a teenager?

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We all lived separate lives growing up, even with our intuitions. We all left home at some point and returned to still find home. We bonded with nature more often than we did with material possessions as we didn’t quite have much competition then. Loneliness could sometimes pay us a visit and we still wouldn’t miss it’s absence when it’s gone as we were more than carefree. One of the main reasons we broke a little and fell short of our beautiful pride was wanting to ‘belong’. As there were many things to try, many people to look up to, attitudes and experiences to pick up from, we pried into each others’ affairs  to gain a place.

At thirteen, I wouldn’t give you a piece of my meal in school if you wouldn’t let me be part of what you are planning with others. It was more like a bargain to me then. You wouldn’t extract from me what I know without getting me involved with what you’re doing with the information. At some point, I became repellent to people and was tagged “stingy”.

Gradually, I started choosing who I kept around and who I ran off to. It did help but it made me repel people, as the more I got comfortable with  a group, the more I bonded with them and the less I wanted people involved with us. “snub” became the new name. This one lasted for eternity. Yes! I say that, because people who knew me then still think of me that way. As a matter of fact, I accepted it with pride.

I denied myself the luxury of fighting back. I denied every part of me that was anti-snub, perhaps just not to feel bothered about it. It did bother me but not until my mates were also tagged as one, then I felt it was just people’s problems and not mine nor my friends.

Most teenagers deny a part of them just to go with it. It may not be people calling them ‘stingy’ or ‘snub’, it may be ‘bullying’, ‘stalking’, gossiping’or what have you. Whatever the case may be, most teenagers just tend to go with it than let it out.

Parents especially, notice behavioural changes in their teens and react differently to different situations they find them in. The only bitter advice most get, is to “fight back” which isn’t easy at that stage and that is why most teenagers tend to withdraw and lose connection with their parents.

Every teenager I believe have the strength to conquer any form of denial but it takes ‘two to tango’ doesn’t it?  It takes help, comfort and understanding to aid them get through.

What have you learnt about teens from today’s TTTT episode?

#TeenTransitionToTwentyWritingSeries

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2016.

The Lie I told

The lie we all told.

” I just can’t wait to be independent, do whatever I want, whenever I want and have no one telling me how to do my own thing!”- some teenager

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How many of us said this when we were still teenagers?

How many teenagers do you hear mutter this to themselves when scolded?

I once thought 20 was adulthood. In fact, I once regarded anyone who was 20 as “old”. I’m 20 now but sometimes I really need a voice to direct me and also tell me what to do. I feel as though people expect much of me when my own self hasn’t even developed fully. My perspective then as a teen was more like two worlds that fail every single time to understand each other. The world of adulthood and mine. Sometimes, one succumbs for the other and other times, it results to war.

I grew up with four other siblings, an elder sister and 3 younger boys, so my teenage life was less dramatic, I think, as I was neither the first nor the last child. As a second born you aren’t really noticed as much as others. You fend for yourself most times, but the good thing is that you get away with a lot of wrongs even when you’re at fault, as you are sort of invisible.

I had less privileges and more restrictions which  I saw then as torture and still regard them so. This was as a result of my parents being more of disciplinarians than parents at that tender age. It made me confide in strangers, friends and my siblings more than I did with them. As at that time, I found it convenient and comfortable as it gradually became part of me but difficult now as I tend to filter what I say and how I say it to my parents. Disclosing personal issues and joy to them still is difficult for me but, I always find a way to express how I feel to them.

The other lie I told was that, “I would never miss being a teenager, it’s a mess being one”. We all again have flawed in this one. Even at 30 or 40, having a decent conversation with someone about your teenage life and how you lived it makes you feel somewhat young. It makes you vibrant and bloomy and puts others in a position to picture where you’ve been. That is why many crave to be young again and again. Not that ageing is not what we desire but, the feeling that seven years of our lives left in our souls, makes us hold unto it like some kind of home.

I never want to lie again about not being and feeling young inside.

What did you take away from today’s episode of TTTT dear blogger?

#TeenTransitionToTwenty writing Series

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2016.