Daddy issues

Image result for black man and daughter in black and white

Picture gotten from-Pinterest

There are three main things self-reflection may teach a patient mind: self-discipline, acceptance/openness and self-control. There are many ways people may choose to reflect which may either be loud or to the heart.

We are greater than the things we say for ourselves. We restrict our abilities to only what our eyes may have encountered and not fully with our minds and brains. We neglect the paths our hearts may create for us in thoughts of it being fragile and so delicate, forgetting that what’s broken may still be broken again in order for it to mend.

Submission

I’m very aware of reasons why feminists fight to be heard. I don’t blame extreme sexists that pull major chords as I’m intertwined in being non-feminist and sexist at the same time. I break a little when I watch things not add up with submission, when women are ridiculed about their softness. I’ve watched mum for years, I’ve seen loyalty, I’ve questioned her love.  “How can a woman, so powerful, so filled with knowledge be this?” I’ve seen other women too. I’ve watched myself try to grow out of it but it’s a born ritual. It’s my own way of welcoming peace. It’s my only power over the other.

Trust

We can totally be honest with each other but lack this. We can hold hands, laugh, talk about the children and eat in good silence when we are certain about our distrust for each other. Evenings made me believe that the sun may rise at sunset. My sister and I would read conversations with words very familiar with love written by unfamiliar people. We would both lay under blankets and brew gossips about these evenings. We were soul sisters. We grew to hate what men that looked like this do. We still talk about it, we still cry a little over what we’ve known. It’s almost like disappearing from what seems to mean good because we weren’t shown how goodness can be trusted when it’s felt. It’s not normal to be thought of  that way by another, I think every now and then.

I wish I have someone to blame everytime I choose to run with my eyes. I hope everyday for the day I was first heart broken by my eyes to be erased from my head. I don’t want to be reminded of being broken in a place that I should run to when I’m broken. I hate to talk about home to people that don’t feel like home, I don’t hate to run from home because of my eyes and the crotches it walks with when there. I hate the thought that the first man that warmed my hands when I came into this cold world stalls me from breathing into a certain type of peace I crave.

Daddy issues.

 

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2017

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5 Courtesies I learnt from the Brits

This is my third year in the United Kingdom but I still do not know the names of the cereals Brits consume on a daily basis. Not like it’s important but it once was when not knowing them embarrassed me at work. I literally left a lady with a pack of cereal unopened and without milk, thinking it was a biscuit. I was totally embarrassed when I was cautioned about it, as the lady in question was really old and knew less about the breakfasts that were served to her.

Anyways, I would be giving you 5 courtesies I admire about British people which is not so common to the place and people I belong to.

Watercolor Uk Flag, Watercolor British Flag Art Print

Picture gotten from-Watercolor

“Yes please”-Unlike now, I’d say to anyone behind the counter wherever I shop ” I’d like a bag” if asked “would you like a bag?”. It’s been 3 years, I’m still trying to get a hang on saying ” yes please” right after I’m asked what I want. Yes! I used the word “still trying to get a hang on” as I seldom forget. It takes me approximately 30 seconds to add “please”  just after saying “yes” which probably says a lot about me to the sales person ( she’s an anti-Brit) lol.

Queuing in turns– 17 years of my life was spent in Aba, Abia state, Nigeria and the least you should ever expect from people living there is order. We hustle for anything and everything including space, lol, as it is a business-minded city, but more like a ghetto. You can imagine going from grass to grace, I found it fascinating to find people who even unknowingly queue up. Although, it took a while to get used to the word “queue” talk more of standing in one, I find it easy to reciprocate when a typical Brit paves way for one. Here in the UK, people are well- mannered when it comes to waiting for a bus, waiting at the bank counter or even in a supermarket. It’s something admirable.

“Smiling back”– “Onye kele sunny, sunny ekele ya”, a proverb in my native dialect (Igbo) which depicts the reciprocation of a greeting when greeted. An elderly person regardless of their relation to you expects you to at least greet them with an “Aunty or uncle or sir” or even some sort of title attached, whenever you see them in Nigeria.That to some extent shows respect and good upbringing to them. However, here in the UK, most people quietly give you a broad smile, which is either plain 🙂 or with their teeth all out :D.

Nigerian Flag Art Print

Picture gotten from- Allposters

Visiting Friends– You don’t bugger off to someone’s place in the name of being friends without informing them of your coming. It’s more like intruding someone’s privacy or even disregarding it in some way. I have a childhood friend that lives in the next street back home and whenever it used to be their turn to have light ( NEPA: former power supply in Nigeria) supplied to them, I would always run to her place and she never complained about my uninvited visits. Back then in our area, electricity supply used to be in turns as there were less transformers to step down the main current. Whenever I had light supplied, she never did and vice versa. I’ve now gotten so used to calling or texting before even going to see a neighbor here in the UK.

“Cheers”– It took me probably less than a month to get used to this one :). I found it fancy and less stressful than saying “thank you”. The Brits mostly say it to either show appreciation or just before having a drink and also after toasting to something.  I call it a Brit courtesy because I heard and learnt how to use it here first. I’m not 100% sure of the originators but I like the word.

Although, there are loads of courtesies to adapt from British people, I find these 5 more admirable. I believe if they travel to any country in  Africa and not just Nigeria, they would also have a lot to learn from and adapt to too. What’s the essence of life if not growth? and what waters growth are the little things we learn and do.

Are there any courtesies you found fascinated by as a foreigner in countries you’ve been to? I would love to hear about them. Cheers! 🙂

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2016.

CHIDINMA

See translation below.
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Abu m ihe  mbu,

Abum ihe Chi’m si na mbu.

Ogologo uzo ka’m jiri bia eba,

ma anom, kwudosike na enye ekele.

M na-agozi nwanyi nyere m aha mu, nne m,

na-agozi kwa nwoke sochata obi’m, nna m.

Mbge ufodu, ndi mmadu agwunaghi m

ma ana m ahu nka na mgbu,

ana m ahu ebube n’uru.

Ije nke ma, O puru eche naani,

ma amutago m otu ihe,

Ekele.

E nwere m obi isi ike,

Nke na enye reminisces m nsogbu.

Ututu obula nketara ura, m na cho ebe obibi mu, k’amu efuola,

ma otutu ugboro efugo mu n’ezi,

Eziokwu.

Efugo mu na gburugburu m, na ohere m ya na uwa m

ma unu ma mu azoputaghi m,

naani nkeko m jide siri ike .

Abu m ihe mbu,

Nma n’ime echiche m

Abu m Chidinma, nwata nwanyi na ede na otutu abstract.

 

 
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I am what I am,

I am who my creator says I am.

It took a long way to get here,

but here, strong and thankful

I bless the woman that named me, my mother,

the only man after my own heart, my father.

Sometimes people fail me,

but I see art in pain,

I see glory in the gain.

This walk of mine, alone it could feel,

but I’ve learnt one thing,

Thanksgiving.

I do have a stubborn heart,

one that troubles my reminisces.

I wake up every morning wanting home, like I’m lost

But most times I’m truly lost,

Truth.

Lost in my circle, space and world,

Neither you or me saves me

Only the bond that I hold unto

 I am what I am,

 a beauty within my own reflection

I am Chidinma, the girl who writes in abstracts.

The first part of this write up is written in Igbo (general), one of the major languages in Nigeria, West Africa. It was inspired by my love for my culture, my people and my nation. Although appropriate punctuation wasn’t made, I hope a native and non- native reader find strength in those words.  Thank you for making it here. 

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2016.

 

 

 

The Heart’s culture #22

Have you ever wondered why people and things you put in mind trigger love or hate?

It isn’t magic that you function that way. You are simply being human. When your heart beats, it does so for danger, joy, hate or love. You’ve been programmed that way.

Learning to nurture your heart with what pleases you is what gives you the tendency to share what you have with people or to refrain. The heart is like the power house of our thoughts and words, when we fuel it with love and good, the outcome supersedes all forms of hate and lightens us up too. Our hearts should be guarded because it controls the emotions we give. When it’s been broken, we should be eager to give it time to heal, to patch up and learn to beat properly again. We should feed our hearts with it’s own kind of food, not what we think it deserves.

For you to know what’s good and not good for your heart, you have to learn it’s culture. The way your heart should be treated, what to feed it and how to keep it strong to withstand any sort of predicament. The truth is that there is no certain way one should treat the heart because we all are different. We come across different scenarios in our lives. we live and survive differently. Learning the heart’s culture is simply taking care of it like it’s a fragile piece. Avoiding what you believe is going to hurt you, doing away with that which is hurting you and being open to letting your heart heal from hurt.

when we love, give, share, exercise, pray, acknowledge, sing, rejoice and show kindness with each other, we give our hearts reasons to beat. We worry less and unite more. Hearts do think alike too.

Share your thoughts with me on this piece and add any other piece you’ve thought about in the comment box below. Thank you.

#TheGoodInMe

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2015.