Struggling out of a 2:2 this final year: my Biomedical Science tale

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I barely bore you with events of my university life on here but I know once in a while I drop one or two major ones. Going back to 2015, my first year, I had blogged about my resits (What if? #17), how awful it felt to had seen my name amongst those resitting Genetics and Statistics. How sad and unlucky my summer was. What I didn’t include was calling my parents and letting them know about the situation. The disappointment in their tone as they spoke to me whilst trying to be good parents and not make me feel worse about the whole situation, the after effect of the whole conversation moved me. I guess my attitude towards everything relating to university and my course became more questionable as days, months and years went by.

Second year was heavy. As my course is a three-year course here in the UK, more pressure was mounted on me and more effort was equally demanded with the load that came with the 12 modules I had done last year. The hustle to secure a placement made it even worse but that wasn’t an excuse not to scale through. At the end of the year, I was awoken yet again by another resit which until today I have managed to  hide from my parents as I felt they would be bitter and really angry towards me if I had told them. Genetics again! At some point in time I joked about it to my friends, telling them how I’m “KINGING” in genetics resit zone. What felt terrible isn’t the fact that I had a resit, what made me break down most nights was the fact that 2:2 ends up being my portion even when I always seem to start off very well at the beginning of each semester. At some point, I just stopped asking why and accepted that university wasn’t for me. Thoughts of dropping out kicked in every now and then but the friends in my circle kept me grounded. They said my prayers with me, cried with me and most of all, they contributed to my healing and strength which led me into pursuing my final year.

It’s the 25th of February today, 22 weeks into final year and there is still no salvaging to my results so far. It hasn’t been stable and at the same time it hasn’t been the most brilliant. One half of my project and most of my course works released so far have been fluctuating with 2:1’s and 2:2’s. My first semester results came out and this time Genetics crossed the cut off point with only 7 marks and I’m most grateful to God for that miracle! the other paper sat comfortably on a 2:1 which to me is gracious. Hard-work and resilience have been with me since the school year started and to be honest with you,  it is a struggle trying to move up from a 2:2. I am 3 weeks into second semester  with 3 more course works, 4 more exams and my main project to finish. I am still with hope and so should you who is reading this thinking you’re sitting in the worst position or situation in life.

If everyone was equal, there wouldn’t be no school, no competition whatsoever and definitely no evolution but other people’s success shouldn’t stall us from ours or blind us from attaining  unmeasurable success instead it should push us.

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I did tweet this last week but it doesn’t mean I can’t do better. In fact it is not an excuse! It is the reason why I’m pushing to move on from a 2:2, proving to myself that even if it’s not for me, it is definitely not impossible!

I hope you find a grip too and go on from there dear reader. Do leave your thoughts and comments in the box below. Thank you.

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2017.

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The magic in ‘first times’

I had an Asian friend who I had known for over a year leave me a goodbye note. On it, part of what she had written said “..it’s been a really great pleasure to have met you, my very first Negro friend”. To be totally honest with you, I had a rush of mixed feelings just reading that line. I laughed, got offended, laughed again, cried and ran out to give her a tight hug. Why? Firstly, I imagined being her only black friend out of the battalion of my kind we have in our city, Brighton. I also thought how naive she was not to know that calling me a ‘Negro’ was sort of offensive but I read that line again and laughed again “..my very first Negro friend”. At that moment it occurred to me that, I wasn’t going to see her again until fate or coincidence brings us back together. I thought of her presence for the past one year and how time loves goodbyes. I cried for a girl for the first time in my life.

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What am I insinuating?

You won’t know the feeling of magic until you experience something for the first time. It may not be like mine with someone triggering the effect, it may just be you creating and experiencing your own magic. Perhaps, the word ‘magic’ can be a bit too imaginative. Let’s call it a sensational feeling, one that renews your adrenaline. Think about the first time you had done/started something (esp. something that you love and chose to do). The feeling definitely doesn’t feel like the end of it, it doesn’t equate to the time it begins to grow weary, it’s so alive. That, sometimes is what pushes us to finish or continue, the thought of what and why we started. Sometimes the memory it leaves builds up and takes over our strength to carry through even when the initial thought is dead. The magic in ‘first times’ should be felt as often as the zeal you have for consistency.

When was the first time you decided to go for a walk, or probably read a book? When was the first time you chose to change your hair colour, take another route to work? When was the first time you gave something you cherish to the needy or leave someone random kind words? When was the first time you chose to meditate, to switch off and go offline for a while? When was the last time you told the people you cherish how much you appreciate and love them, the first time you hung out with people that are not in your class, race or even circle? These may all sound daunting or probably scary but believe me you, the feeling you get from ‘first times’ are more reviving than the consistent thing you’ve been doing your whole life.

So?

Get up! Go out! and experience your own magic! dear reader.

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2016.

 

5 Courtesies I learnt from the Brits

This is my third year in the United Kingdom but I still do not know the names of the cereals Brits consume on a daily basis. Not like it’s important but it once was when not knowing them embarrassed me at work. I literally left a lady with a pack of cereal unopened and without milk, thinking it was a biscuit. I was totally embarrassed when I was cautioned about it, as the lady in question was really old and knew less about the breakfasts that were served to her.

Anyways, I would be giving you 5 courtesies I admire about British people which is not so common to the place and people I belong to.

Watercolor Uk Flag, Watercolor British Flag Art Print

Picture gotten from-Watercolor

“Yes please”-Unlike now, I’d say to anyone behind the counter wherever I shop ” I’d like a bag” if asked “would you like a bag?”. It’s been 3 years, I’m still trying to get a hang on saying ” yes please” right after I’m asked what I want. Yes! I used the word “still trying to get a hang on” as I seldom forget. It takes me approximately 30 seconds to add “please”  just after saying “yes” which probably says a lot about me to the sales person ( she’s an anti-Brit) lol.

Queuing in turns– 17 years of my life was spent in Aba, Abia state, Nigeria and the least you should ever expect from people living there is order. We hustle for anything and everything including space, lol, as it is a business-minded city, but more like a ghetto. You can imagine going from grass to grace, I found it fascinating to find people who even unknowingly queue up. Although, it took a while to get used to the word “queue” talk more of standing in one, I find it easy to reciprocate when a typical Brit paves way for one. Here in the UK, people are well- mannered when it comes to waiting for a bus, waiting at the bank counter or even in a supermarket. It’s something admirable.

“Smiling back”– “Onye kele sunny, sunny ekele ya”, a proverb in my native dialect (Igbo) which depicts the reciprocation of a greeting when greeted. An elderly person regardless of their relation to you expects you to at least greet them with an “Aunty or uncle or sir” or even some sort of title attached, whenever you see them in Nigeria.That to some extent shows respect and good upbringing to them. However, here in the UK, most people quietly give you a broad smile, which is either plain 🙂 or with their teeth all out :D.

Nigerian Flag Art Print

Picture gotten from- Allposters

Visiting Friends– You don’t bugger off to someone’s place in the name of being friends without informing them of your coming. It’s more like intruding someone’s privacy or even disregarding it in some way. I have a childhood friend that lives in the next street back home and whenever it used to be their turn to have light ( NEPA: former power supply in Nigeria) supplied to them, I would always run to her place and she never complained about my uninvited visits. Back then in our area, electricity supply used to be in turns as there were less transformers to step down the main current. Whenever I had light supplied, she never did and vice versa. I’ve now gotten so used to calling or texting before even going to see a neighbor here in the UK.

“Cheers”– It took me probably less than a month to get used to this one :). I found it fancy and less stressful than saying “thank you”. The Brits mostly say it to either show appreciation or just before having a drink and also after toasting to something.  I call it a Brit courtesy because I heard and learnt how to use it here first. I’m not 100% sure of the originators but I like the word.

Although, there are loads of courtesies to adapt from British people, I find these 5 more admirable. I believe if they travel to any country in  Africa and not just Nigeria, they would also have a lot to learn from and adapt to too. What’s the essence of life if not growth? and what waters growth are the little things we learn and do.

Are there any courtesies you found fascinated by as a foreigner in countries you’ve been to? I would love to hear about them. Cheers! 🙂

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2016.

Spare

Mystery Walks HD wallpaper for Standard 4:3 5:4 Fullscreen UXGA XGA SVGA QSXGA SXGA ; Wide 16:10 5:3 Widescreen WHXGA WQXGA WUXGA WXGA WGA ; HD 16:9 High Definition WQHD QWXGA 1080p 900p 720p QHD nHD ; Other 3:2 DVGA HVGA HQVGA devices ( Apple PowerBook G4 iPhone 4 3G 3GS iPod Touch ) ; Mobile VGA WVGA iPhone iPad PSP Phone - VGA QVGA Smartphone ( PocketPC GPS iPod Zune BlackBerry HTC Samsung LG Nokia Eten Asus ) WVGA WQVGA Smartphone ( HTC Samsung Sony Ericsson LG Vertu MIO ) HVGA Smartphone ( Apple iPhone iPod BlackBerry HTC Samsung Nokia ) Sony PSP Zune HD Zen ; Tablet 2 Android 3 DVGA HVGA HQVGA devices ( Apple PowerBook G4 iPhone 4 3G 3GS iPod Touch ) ; Dual 4:3 5:4 16:10 5:3 16:9 UXGA XGA SVGA QSXGA SXGA WHXGA WQXGA WUXGA WXGA WGA WQHD QWXGA 1080p 900p 720p QHD nHD ;

Picture from-Mystery

We were once reminded of what it felt like to live with more. To free all manner of ill-thoughts and live free, even when things that matter don’t feel like it does. Many voices wrote for the truth and many others against it. Characters exhibited their ignorance even when knowledge was crystal clear, limitless and valued. Patience was a tale and people that did have one were told off! It felt like the people’s voice weren’t heard in their heads no more, like they were more human with more sense of an unforgiving emptiness. I was lost in their thinking trap.

Selflessness is an attitude I admire in people but fail to adapt to. It’s what’s lacking in many personalities today including mine. You can gain someone’s trust, be loyal, respectful, enthusiastic, jolly at all times but it takes a different kind of you to always put others first, even when they aren’t thinking about you. I figured out that it is hard to lose any sort of connection with people like this, why? Because they are always there for you.

Let me tell you how I learned to forgive those that hurt me. I didn’t ignore them or block them or delete them or pretend that they didn’t exist. I talked to them, I befriended them again, I started anew but with me in my space, not theirs. I let it go only when they were willing to. The worst I did was let them live their lives without me and vice versa, it wasn’t a pain but a better way to feed my heart and soul.

Yes, I struggle to believe that people who claim to have some sort of terms and conditions in their lives live up to it. I find it hard to accommodate certain attributes that don’t feed me enough mentally. I guess that’s why people think that there is just more to me than me. Every art is special and when I mean art I mean you. You are a special kind of craft. One that people would travel from afar to come admire. You’re a craft so bliss and beautiful. Isn’t that enough for you to love yourself and reciprocate it to others?

The ignorance in us is the knowledge of beauty, love and ourselves. The pride is the unwillingness to be selfless and the truth is in self forgiveness and the forgiveness of others. Until we wake up to reality, we would still be dreaming for more, more love to give and more of ourselves that we should give when truly there’s no spare!.

Dyna Ekwueme copyright, 2015.

The ‘what if’s’ of an idiot

Laughter brings pain where sore wounds are salted.

The earth is arguably not round or spherical amidst all extinct constellations.

Flowers never wither, they never die, they grow from pollen.

We weed out the humanity in us and leave free-floated spirits to wander

I know all this, I know everything but nothing

I know I’m not sensible, I’m an idiot

But;

  • What if you are never wrong as opposed to the wrong you did?
  • What if there were 400 days in a year and people are actually short-lived by their fellow people?
  • What if colours only made us blind and black and white was our only identification?
  • What if reality was abstracts and vice versa?
  • What if your only hope is in yesterday?
  • What if animals ruled us by making us rule them?
  • What if being left-handed was bliss, disabled divine, blinded grace and not known validated?
  • What if being supernatural was the only natural?
  • What if the earth is a curse and the people in it too?
  • What if you were told that the last of your kind left is you?
  • What if our believes, opinions and perceptions are deceptive?
  • What if our thoughts and imaginations are like that of this idiot, me?

Crosses are not made up of two crossed planks, their meaning put existence to their nature. I would only twist your mind in disbelieve but your beliefs would be shaken anyways.

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2015.