Struggling out of a 2:2 this final year: my Biomedical Science tale

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I barely bore you with events of my university life on here but I know once in a while I drop one or two major ones. Going back to 2015, my first year, I had blogged about my resits (What if? #17), how awful it felt to had seen my name amongst those resitting Genetics and Statistics. How sad and unlucky my summer was. What I didn’t include was calling my parents and letting them know about the situation. The disappointment in their tone as they spoke to me whilst trying to be good parents and not make me feel worse about the whole situation, the after effect of the whole conversation moved me. I guess my attitude towards everything relating to university and my course became more questionable as days, months and years went by.

Second year was heavy. As my course is a three-year course here in the UK, more pressure was mounted on me and more effort was equally demanded with the load that came with the 12 modules I had done last year. The hustle to secure a placement made it even worse but that wasn’t an excuse not to scale through. At the end of the year, I was awoken yet again by another resit which until today I have managed to  hide from my parents as I felt they would be bitter and really angry towards me if I had told them. Genetics again! At some point in time I joked about it to my friends, telling them how I’m “KINGING” in genetics resit zone. What felt terrible isn’t the fact that I had a resit, what made me break down most nights was the fact that 2:2 ends up being my portion even when I always seem to start off very well at the beginning of each semester. At some point, I just stopped asking why and accepted that university wasn’t for me. Thoughts of dropping out kicked in every now and then but the friends in my circle kept me grounded. They said my prayers with me, cried with me and most of all, they contributed to my healing and strength which led me into pursuing my final year.

It’s the 25th of February today, 22 weeks into final year and there is still no salvaging to my results so far. It hasn’t been stable and at the same time it hasn’t been the most brilliant. One half of my project and most of my course works released so far have been fluctuating with 2:1’s and 2:2’s. My first semester results came out and this time Genetics crossed the cut off point with only 7 marks and I’m most grateful to God for that miracle! the other paper sat comfortably on a 2:1 which to me is gracious. Hard-work and resilience have been with me since the school year started and to be honest with you,  it is a struggle trying to move up from a 2:2. I am 3 weeks into second semester  with 3 more course works, 4 more exams and my main project to finish. I am still with hope and so should you who is reading this thinking you’re sitting in the worst position or situation in life.

If everyone was equal, there wouldn’t be no school, no competition whatsoever and definitely no evolution but other people’s success shouldn’t stall us from ours or blind us from attaining  unmeasurable success instead it should push us.

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I did tweet this last week but it doesn’t mean I can’t do better. In fact it is not an excuse! It is the reason why I’m pushing to move on from a 2:2, proving to myself that even if it’s not for me, it is definitely not impossible!

I hope you find a grip too and go on from there dear reader. Do leave your thoughts and comments in the box below. Thank you.

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2017.

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CHIDINMA

See translation below.
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Abu m ihe  mbu,

Abum ihe Chi’m si na mbu.

Ogologo uzo ka’m jiri bia eba,

ma anom, kwudosike na enye ekele.

M na-agozi nwanyi nyere m aha mu, nne m,

na-agozi kwa nwoke sochata obi’m, nna m.

Mbge ufodu, ndi mmadu agwunaghi m

ma ana m ahu nka na mgbu,

ana m ahu ebube n’uru.

Ije nke ma, O puru eche naani,

ma amutago m otu ihe,

Ekele.

E nwere m obi isi ike,

Nke na enye reminisces m nsogbu.

Ututu obula nketara ura, m na cho ebe obibi mu, k’amu efuola,

ma otutu ugboro efugo mu n’ezi,

Eziokwu.

Efugo mu na gburugburu m, na ohere m ya na uwa m

ma unu ma mu azoputaghi m,

naani nkeko m jide siri ike .

Abu m ihe mbu,

Nma n’ime echiche m

Abu m Chidinma, nwata nwanyi na ede na otutu abstract.

 

 
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I am what I am,

I am who my creator says I am.

It took a long way to get here,

but here, strong and thankful

I bless the woman that named me, my mother,

the only man after my own heart, my father.

Sometimes people fail me,

but I see art in pain,

I see glory in the gain.

This walk of mine, alone it could feel,

but I’ve learnt one thing,

Thanksgiving.

I do have a stubborn heart,

one that troubles my reminisces.

I wake up every morning wanting home, like I’m lost

But most times I’m truly lost,

Truth.

Lost in my circle, space and world,

Neither you or me saves me

Only the bond that I hold unto

 I am what I am,

 a beauty within my own reflection

I am Chidinma, the girl who writes in abstracts.

The first part of this write up is written in Igbo (general), one of the major languages in Nigeria, West Africa. It was inspired by my love for my culture, my people and my nation. Although appropriate punctuation wasn’t made, I hope a native and non- native reader find strength in those words.  Thank you for making it here. 

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2016.

 

 

 

It’s official

Every attempt I made to disappear, running away from my shadows. The despair and rage in a darker part of me grew immensely. I blamed it all on people, souls that couldn’t decree my next sneeze. Sometimes the light goes pale and my iris cease to dilate. The emotional part of me couldn’t cry nor could it breathe love to the other as it usually does. I was lost in my world questioning the unseen.
“Where can I find my soul in the midst of my own chaos?
I wander in circles, seeking silence
Where muttering of filth and dust is seen
I found a place I could call mine, 
a sanctuary I can only dwell in
That place I find peace and love so boundless
I found my connection.” 
But then again, every piece that was left like a puzzle began to make more sense. I promised to believe again, to lay my hope on light and summon courage from every opportunity. Stories didn’t need to be told to me again, I started writing my own story. Every thing else that wasn’t of it never seemed appealing to me, I then realised that it was official. I’m with love💛.

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2015.

Today’s tale #12

blog priory gardenPriory Garden, Orpington.

 

…was on a movie I started yesterday immediately I woke up this morning. 11:00am, had already missed church service so I tried finishing the movie. In the middle of the movie I picked up my phone and began googling for Yorkshire terrier puppies on gumtree around my area. Don’t know why but I just recently got a thing for googling things on my bucket list, it’s becoming a behaviour.

I found a 4-weeks old pup and called the owner up for viewing on Wednesday. Told my house mates about the idea and they were totally fine with welcoming a new friend. I guess it was the pup from the movie (John Wick) that got me thinking about puppies and how better my life would be with them.

1:30pm, I started getting ready to travel to Orpington, London for a shoot with a really awesome photographer. He employed me recently at falicicom cleaning agency, where I got some experience for about a week and also got involved with people from different facets of life. I had few conversations with him during my work period and found out that he was a great photographer and also down to earth. We made arrangements for today with the rest of my mates and there I was in my room 2 hours late already, trying to figure out what to wear for my shoot.

After about 3 hours, we were set to go. A lot of delays from my mates, from booking the wrong bus tickets to making enquiries at the train station but that was the fun part of the whole day. We arrived London Victoria. Got a meal from Burger King and headed for Orpington using the overground railway.

Porsche, beautiful and clean is my description for Orpington. I felt refreshed sort of. My employer took us to one of the most beautiful parks around, priory park. We set our scenes  and took shots at different areas of the park. It all came out lovely and yea I had a wonderful experience just traveling there and learning a few things about the city.

On the train back to my city, blogging and wondering what I have achieved today. Not too much but I’ll call today an “okay” day. Pretty much a good day. Received more than I gave but I guess that’s how some days are set to be. I feel tired and exhausted already. Got an interview tomorrow and I wish it a big luck.

Hope you’re own day was fruitful? If not feel free to share whatever it is that you had going on. Thank you

#TheGoodInMe

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2015.