Daddy issues

Image result for black man and daughter in black and white

Picture gotten from-Pinterest

There are three main things self-reflection may teach a patient mind: self-discipline, acceptance/openness and self-control. There are many ways people may choose to reflect which may either be loud or to the heart.

We are greater than the things we say for ourselves. We restrict our abilities to only what our eyes may have encountered and not fully with our minds and brains. We neglect the paths our hearts may create for us in thoughts of it being fragile and so delicate, forgetting that what’s broken may still be broken again in order for it to mend.

Submission

I’m very aware of reasons why feminists fight to be heard. I don’t blame extreme sexists that pull major chords as I’m intertwined in being non-feminist and sexist at the same time. I break a little when I watch things not add up with submission, when women are ridiculed about their softness. I’ve watched mum for years, I’ve seen loyalty, I’ve questioned her love.  “How can a woman, so powerful, so filled with knowledge be this?” I’ve seen other women too. I’ve watched myself try to grow out of it but it’s a born ritual. It’s my own way of welcoming peace. It’s my only power over the other.

Trust

We can totally be honest with each other but lack this. We can hold hands, laugh, talk about the children and eat in good silence when we are certain about our distrust for each other. Evenings made me believe that the sun may rise at sunset. My sister and I would read conversations with words very familiar with love written by unfamiliar people. We would both lay under blankets and brew gossips about these evenings. We were soul sisters. We grew to hate what men that looked like this do. We still talk about it, we still cry a little over what we’ve known. It’s almost like disappearing from what seems to mean good because we weren’t shown how goodness can be trusted when it’s felt. It’s not normal to be thought of  that way by another, I think every now and then.

I wish I have someone to blame everytime I choose to run with my eyes. I hope everyday for the day I was first heart broken by my eyes to be erased from my head. I don’t want to be reminded of being broken in a place that I should run to when I’m broken. I hate to talk about home to people that don’t feel like home, I don’t hate to run from home because of my eyes and the crotches it walks with when there. I hate the thought that the first man that warmed my hands when I came into this cold world stalls me from breathing into a certain type of peace I crave.

Daddy issues.

 

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2017

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Secrets to trusting that “it will work”

“We did not search for survivors, but those who survived for our search party”

Dyna Ekwueme

When we really want something, whether it’s a job, material thing or basic needs, we go beyond our might to see that we get it. Sometimes we lose ourselves and part of us in hope that it would come to be a sacrifice for that which we are yet to achieve and sometimes, we never get what we truly want. Before I unravel these secrets, I want you to distinguish between luck, chance and results of work. Trusting that “it will work” in my context does not mean gambling or maybe hoping to hit a lottery or even wishing that you had something. Trusting that “it will work” here means working and putting relentless effort to see that you get what you want. If you are thinking otherwise, these secrets aren’t for you.

First,

Set your priorities

You may be hoping to buy a car, but is that really what you want? Is it worth it for the time being? So many of us do not make scale of preference. We want everything and anything whenever we think we need it. We pursue irrelevant things to tick off our bucket list. We want to feel that self satisfaction even though it would cost us borrowing from others but at the end of the day, it’s our loss. To see that something works out for you, you have to set your priorities, differentiate your needs from your wants and set time for each and every one of them.

Work not Luck

On my way from the office after working, I forget my car keys and the office is closed. A woman with the same car as mine in the parking lot opens her car and is set to leave. I ask her to lend me her key so I can open my car and get the bicylce I bought earlier that day. Fortunately, her key opens my car, that is luck!. Running the track 5 hours a day prior to qualifying for the olympics game is work!. When there is no work, your hopes tend to be low, therefore you trust less that something would eventually work out.

Believing in possibilities

We tend to access something before we approach it and that I believe is being human but at the same time we withdraw when we compare the statistics and chance of it not working. We withdraw when people say it is impossible to achieve, we say “no” to ourselves to validate our thoughts about what we truly want. Let me tell you, most stories we hear and believe in are not the ones that everyone does but stories of people who dared and refused to believe in impossibilities. For you to trust that something would work out for you, you need to believe that it will work. You need to see yourself getting it.

Patience

Patience is not just virtue, it is everything. When we lose hope on what we hope for, we never get it. It could take years for you to make that wise decision you’ve always wanted to make but the outcome is everlasting. We should not give up on what we truly want for ourselves even when It rains too long for us to believe that sunshine would ever come. It wiill come. The phrase I made before you started reading this piece (” we did not search for survivors, but those who survived for our search party”) encompasses patience, if you can hold on alittle bit longer, what you want would find you.

Achievements/Results

I’ve seen people that  give less time to studying when I give more and they come out with flying colours. It’s not that their IQs are different from mine, but because they know what they are hoping to achieve at the end of that little time they are using to study. They know their weak points and they make it their challege and excel. It’s not just working in hope that it will work but working for a purpose. How was the work done? Was it frivolous or prudent?

Spirituality

You may say that for every write up I give I emphasize on this alot. Yes! because for every physical being there is a spiritual attachment. If you have one, let it be your point of contact to what you want, let it be the foundation and peak of what you are hoping to achieve. I believe in meditation and reflection with who keeps me alive. Find your spirituality and you’ll see how your trust would never fail you.

These are my opinion on trusting that “it will work”. Your thoughts and opinions too matter because at every phase of our lives we crave for something. Do share what you think in the reply box below. Thank you.

Dyna Ekwueme Copyright, 2015.